Sometime in January… I miss my High School life… After Highschool outside the four walls of our home, I admit I don’t have a life at all…but its ok I can bare it anyway…busy in school…I am disheartened most of the time…feeling cynical, (hala baka matuluyan ako…)basta it’s a plain boring life… I miss my carefree days in High School…my ol’ friends, the simple kababawan that would really make us happy, nakakamiss kase now you can’t be mababaw anymore or you’ll receive a painful consequence, I felt like I’m in a different dimension, people have their own expectations of you, everybody seems to care when no ones really true, all are interested only for their own welfare…what really hurts is that everybody’s wearing their own mask…don’t know whom to trust, they are all playing… and since I’m not even familiar with the game I am trapped, I need to harden myelf to be able to find my way out and win this game. I am often studying what moves to take next, that even sometimes I forgot to be me and end up hating myself even more, and that for me is losing and going deeper into the trap…Lately I’m confused…I felt like I am losing everything that I have and I am starting to become empty…promise I’m in the verge of insanity, ano bay an…Depression ba ito? Hayy nako…Andrama ko na…
Monday, January 29, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Lets talk…
Jan. 26 ‘07
I’ve notice something, so let’s talk…yes you sino pa ba? Your weird…you kept hurting yourself, you’re good in controlling your feelings that’s good, but aren’t you getting tired of doing that? Di masamang makaramdam noh… Understanding things that you cant accept, Diba mas masakit yun? Mas masakit tanggapin ang bagay na ayaw mo pero naiintindihan mo kaya wala kang magawa kundi ang tangapin? I know that a simple *sigh* from you means so much …I guess I can read that line…it can say so much, much more than words can explain, I want to laugh because now your confused with what you feel…(pun intended) its already mixed, ayan kase…next time try to feel the different feelings ok lang yun natural lang yun noh, it actually makes you a human being…grabe ka…you know exactly how to forbid yourself in feeling the things that you know you can’t be feeling…pwede pala yun no? Your not wearing a mask, because you always try to reach out but nobody just can’t understand even I would admit that I don’t fully understand you, dinadaan mo sa pagiging tahimik ang lahat ng bagay na hindi mo maintindihan at masabi, it seems so simple and yet its not. remember when you told me that you’ll prove that your strong and that you can beat your heart by letting your head decide…ok yan…but I know and I can feel that your feelings are still bothering you, there are times that you can’t help but cry…kahit na ang tingin nila sayo cry baby, I know inside your strong…your disregarding your feelings just to do the things you should…even if it hurts you…you want to do a lot of things but you just can’t, you want to try…but its just a big don’t…ikaw kase napaka masunurin mo eh…I wish that your doing the right thing…and that your wait would become something useful and that someday you’ll find yourself enjoying and free.Goodluck…
