The Warrior and Faith

Henry James compares experience to a kind of huge spider’s web suspended in the chamber of consciousness and capable of trapping not only what is necessary, but every air-borne particle as well.

Often what we call ‘experience’ is merely the sum of our defeats. Thus we look ahead with the fear of someone who has already made a lot of mistakes in life and we lack the courage to take the next step.

At such moments, it is good to remember the words of Lord Salisbury: ‘if you believe the doctors, nothing is wholesome: if you believe the theologians, nothing is innocent: if you believe the soldiers, nothing is safe.’

It is important to accept one’s passions, and not to lose one’s enthusiasm for conquest. They are part of life, and bring joy to all who participate in them. The warrior of light never loses sight of what endures, nor of bonds forged overtime. He knows how to distinguish between the transient and the enduring. There comes a moment, however, when his passions suddenly disappear. Despite all his knowledge, he allows himself to be overwhelmed by despair: from one moment to the next, his faith is not what it was, things do not happen as he dreamed they would, tragedies occur in unfair and unexpected ways, and he begins to believe that his prayers are not being heeded. He continues to pray and to attend religious services, but he cannot deceive himself: his heart does not respond as it once did, and the words seem meaningless.

At such a moment, there is only one possible path to follow: keep practicing. Say your prayers out of duty or fear, or for some other reason, but keep praying. Keep on, even if all seems in vain.

The angel in charge of receiving your words, and who is also responsible for the joy of faith, has wandered off somewhere. However, he will soon be back and will only know here to find you if he or she hears a prayer or a request from your lips.

According to legend, after an exhausting morning session of prayer in the monastery of Piedra, the novice asked the abbot if prayers brought God closer to mankind.

‘I’m going to reply with another question,’ said the abbot. ‘Will all the prayers you say make sun rise tomorrow?’

‘Of course not! The sun rises in obedience to a universal law.’

‘Well, there’s the answer to your question. God is close to us regardless of how much we pray.’

The novice was shocked.

‘Are you saying that our prayers are useless?’

‘Absolutely not. If you don’t wake up early enough, you will never get to see the sunrise. And although God is always close, if you don’t pray, you will never manage to fell His presence.’

Watch and pray: That should be the warrior of light’s motto. If he only watches, he will start to see ghosts where they don’t exist. If he only prays, he will not have time to carry out the work that the world so desperately needs.

According to another legend, this time from the Verba Seniorum, the abbot pastor used to say that Abbot John has prayed so much that he need no longer worry – all his passions had been vanquished.

The abbot pastor’s words reached the ears of one of the wise men in the monastery of Sceta. He called together the novices after supper.

‘You may have heard it said that Abbot John has no more temptations to conquer,’ he said. ‘However, a lack of struggle weakens the soul. Let us ask the Lord to send Abbot John a great temptation, and if he manages to conquer it, let us ask the Lord to send him another, and another. And when he is once more struggling against temptations, let us pray that he may never say: “Lord, remove this demon from me.” Let us pray that he asks: “Lord, give me strength to confront evil.”

-Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho-

On Elegance

December 3rd, 2008 by gangwarily

Sometimes, I find myself sitting or standing with my shoulders hunched. Whenever that happens, I am sure there is something that is not quite right. At that moment, there is something that is not quite right. At that moment, before even trying to find out why I’m feeling uncomfortable, I try to change my posture, to make it more elegant.

When I drew myself up again, I realize that this simple movement has helped me to feel more confident about what I’m doing.

Elegance is usually confused with superficiality and fashion. That is a grave mistake. Human Beings should be elegant in their actions and their posture, because the word is synonymous with good taste, graciousness, balance and harmony.

Before taking life’s most important steps, we must be both serene and elegant. We must not, of course, become obsessed, worrying all the time about how we move our hands, sit down, smile, look around; but it is good to know that our body is speaking a language, and that the other person – even if only unconsciously – is understanding what we are saying beyond our words.

Serenity comes from the heart. Although often tormented by thoughts of insecurity, the heart know that, through correct posture, it can regain its equilibrium. The physical elegance I’m talking about comes from the body and is not a superficial thing, but our way of honouring how we place our two feet on the ground. That is why, whenever you feel uncomfortable in that correct posture, you should not think that it is false or artificial. It is true because it is difficult. It makes the path feel honoured by the dignity of the pilgrim.

And please do not confuse it with arrogance or snobbery. Elegance is the right posture to make our every gesture perfect, our steps firm, and to give due respect to our fellow men and women.

Elegance is achieved when all superfluous things have been discarded and the human being discovers simplicity and concentration. The simpler and more sober the posture, the more beautiful it will be.

Snow is beautiful because it has only one colour; the sea is beautiful because it seems to be a flat surface. But both the sea and the snow are deep, and know their own qualities.

Walk joyfully and with a firm step, without fear of stumbling. Your every step is being accompanied by your allies, who will help you if necessary. But do not forget that your adversary is watching too, and that he knows the difference between a firm hand and a tremulous one. Therefore, if you feel tense, breathe deeply and believe that you feel calm, and through one of those inexplicable miracles, you will be filled with tranquility.

When you make a decision, and set it in motion, try to review mentally each stage that led you to take that step, but do so without tension, because it is impossible to hold all the rules in your head. With your spirit free, as you review each step, you will become aware of which were the most difficult moments, and how you overcame them.

This will be reflected in your body, so pay attention!

To make an analogy with archery, many archers complain that, despite many years of practice, they still feel their heart beating anxiously, their hand trembling, their aim faltering. Archery makes our mistakes more obvious.

On days when you feel out of love with life, your aim will be confused, complicated. You will find that you lack sufficient strength to draw the bow that you cannot make the bow bend as it should. And when, on that morning, you see that your aim is bad, try to discover the cause of such imprecision. This will force you to confront the problem that is troubling you, but which had been hidden up until then.

You discovered the problem because your body was feeling older and less elegant. Change your posture, relax your head, stretch your spine, face the world with an open chest. When you think about your body, you are also thinking about your soul, and one will help the other.

-Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho-

Run

December 3rd, 2008 by gangwarily

Run by Snow Patrol

I’ll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You’ve been the only thing that’s right
In all I’ve done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we’ll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we’ll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can’t raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we’ll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can’t raise your voice to say

Slower slower
We don’t have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We’re bound to be afraid
Even if it’s just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you dear

We will Miss you Charles!

December 2nd, 2008 by gangwarily

We will definitely miss you Charles!!!

May you Rest in Peace.

The Solitary Piece of Coal

November 28th, 2008 by gangwarily

Juan always used to attend the Sunday service at his church, but he began to feel that the priest was always saying the same thing, and so stopped going.

Two months later, one cold winter night, the priest came to visit him.

‘He’s probably come to try and persuade me to go back,’

Juan thought to himself. He felt that he couldn’t give the real reason for his absence – the priest’s repetitive sermons. He needed to find an excuse and, while he was thinking, he placed two chairs beside the fire and started talking about the weather.

The priest said nothing. After trying in vain for some time to start a conversation, Juan gave up. The two men sat on in silence for nearly half an hour, staring into the fire.

At that point, the priest got up and, with one of the logs that had not yet burned; he pushed one piece of coal away from the flames.

Since there was not enough heat for the coal to continue burning, it began to cool. Juan quickly drew it back into the centre of the fire.

‘Good night,’ said the priest, getting up to leave.

‘Goodnight, and thank you very much,’ replied Juan.

‘However brightly a piece of coal may be burning, it will soon burn out if you remove it from the flames. However intelligent a man may be, he will soon lose his warmth and his flame if he distances himself from his fellow man. I’ll see you at church next Sunday.’

-Derived from the book of Paulo Coelho, Like the Flowing River-

A Story of a Pencil

November 27th, 2008 by gangwarily

A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point, he asked:

‘Are you writing a story about what we’ve done? Is it a story about me?’

His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson:

‘I am writing about you, actually, but more important than the words is the pencil I’m using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up.’

Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn’t seem very special.

‘But it’s just like any other pencil I’ve ever seen!’

‘That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hang on to them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.

‘First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.

‘Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpener. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he’s much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.

‘Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.

‘Fourth quality: what really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.

‘Finally, the pencil’s fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. In just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action.’

-From: Paulo Coelho’s Like the Flowing River-

Kawaii is Cute and Kerei is pretty.

November 26 ‘08

And with that my “annual small-fight” with my brother started, the above title is my brother’s argument while mine is: Kawaii is pretty and Kerei is beautiful, not until our cousin who is fond of both Japanese and Korean languages broke the week lasting argument to side with my bro (so, he is the source of his information) though we are temporarily on cease fire, I’m still not giving up, I might agree with kawaii being cute but for me it is also pretty because kerei can only mean beautiful, but really what do I know?.

I always think Sasaki Nozomi as Kawaii pretty and not Kawaii cute because that is obviously an understatement. So either kawaii changes it’s meaning depending on its hiragana, katakana and kanji spelling, I have to be sure.

So maybe this entry doesn’t make sense but with my life lately what does? The only thing I’m sure of right now is not giving up, I know I’m committing the worst taboo of all, taking things ‘my life’ for granted but enduring each day is the only thing I can ask myself for now and I hope that would be enough until the day comes for me to love my life again.

Nozomi Sasaki

Moving on…moving on…

Naalala ko lang, may nagtanong saken dati bakit daw Mac ang nickname ni Martina e hinde naman siya mactina…ugh…choosy much?!

So dahil diyan kukunin ko narin ang chance na to to say:

Martina, thanks for always correcting my grammatical error in front of you, and for still doing so. There are times that I get offended, but I won’t ever tell you to stop either because it’s actually the right thing to do (let’s compromise though…like correct me afterwards when no one’s looking, napapahiya ako e…) but…please don’t say sorry after you just correct my English because hell it’s even more embarrassing.

There are times when you tested my patience because of your mood swings that I’m most likely the person you would snap at (am I wrong on that assumption?) just try to not be as comfortable to others, you know they react even worse on those rare occasion, and of course you had been open enough to tell and show me that you have Zero tolerance for my naïveté but I’m trying my best to learn as fast as I can okay?! So just bear with me a little longer and you might see that I’ve changed. I am missing you now!

^_^

November 25 ‘08

Happy Birthday to Artistic Worshiper!

I finally finished reading the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer, I really like the first book, I don’t care what everybody says (na para syang ‘teleserye!’), though I find the second book very predictable, while the third one is not that good either (for me atleast) but I come to like the fourth book, Breaking Dawn, yiii…and just like everyone else I loved Edward Cullen too but its as good as the first book after that I’m all for Jacob Black…I think because Edward is simply too perfect…while Jacob is healthy to be with and comfortable. Whatever, anyway I know people consider twilight as their bible or a prayer book even (^_^). In my case, it has been my escape, a temporary change of reality (too much?! not really…) I never thought that my first two weeks back to school would alienate me, -“after the heartwarming welcome and greetings”- it’s back to facing my classes which most of the time I don’t know anyone, I thought when I go back to school I would just pick up where I left of, I guess it’s more complicated than that now. I’m still taking my time to get use to it all. I’m even playing with the idea of using it to my advantage and so I won’t have to answer the most uncomfortable existential question of my life “Tep labas tayo! Sama ka?!” or whatever combination of that, Syempre nakakahiya rin naman na paulit ulit na tumatangi. At first I always use the truth as an excuse but I can no longer accept people’s response to that, that I simply avoid confrontation of this sort.

If TVXQ helped me get away from my year long vacation with my sanity still intact, this past two weeks I owe a huge deal of gratitude to the twilight saga and of course to Ms. Stephenie Meyer for writing the book, and with it I had my escape from my temporary crazy reality. Having said that, the pain that -the now taking reality in my life- is more than the pain cause by my sudden estrangement at school it won’t even reach ¼ of it, it’s also no comparison to a heartbreak caused by a lover nor of a friend’s betrayal but of something I will never discuss.

2ndI still have no idea how to finish everything about my Radio production, my topic is business economy…ahhh… (bakit di nalang naging showbiz, music or even foreign, fine, I’ll accept even politics and educational…but business and economy?! Damn…)

Nabasa ko nadin yung blog ni Bella about me, WOW! Papaiyakin mo nanaman ako, hmmm…we need to talk about a lot of things ahahah…of course with all the negative things you stated in your blog, most of them piqued my soft side and I’m getting all defensive here, though I won’t refute them, because it’s probably right as you see it, but I really feel like defending myself here:

I know I’m boring, and I enjoy me being boring, I never got comfortable being the joker. And being the center of attention freaks me, but hearing it, reading it rather, still didn’t prepared me from getting offended. Haha! Okay, maybe it’s also due to my fair share of delusions, just because people put up with me, but why didn’t I see that coming? I always know that people would stop laughing when I said something, or because I articulated things wrongly people would give me the *blink*blink* expressions.

Oh well, its David’s job to be the humorous guy anyway, I was never trained for that! I can’t understand myself why am I getting all worked up here?!

To anyone who knows me, I would advice you to please do not expect me to fill any silence, especially when you are in a “happy and good mood” I guarantee you a complete destruction of that mood. That’s an advance warning! And to those people who laugh at me instead of with me…I don’t know what to tell you guys…

ME without common sense…ouch! Thanks Bell! Well I don’t know, I always think it defends to who I’m with.

With Bell, Mac and Sarah, because I’m usually happy with them and really doing my best to apply the words “Loosen up” I most definitely often forgot my common sense somewhere else, and since with intelligent people like them, I embraced the role of being the spoiled one, the outcast and the no common sense and usually, they talk about a different world where I know none of…haha…but I’m learning…gaaaah…

Aggressive, that’s one funny way to describe me bells, I guess most of my principles backfired fighting for that one huh?! Gaaaaah, it’s the first and hopefully the last time I would humiliate myself. Did I regret that?! I’m not realizing it yet. And at the time and I think even now, I’m still incline to believe that its worth it.

To her other disclaimers I accept them all, yes I am often grammatically wrong, and I have no excuse for that, but plain stupidity. And other attitude that I forgot to mention all of them are true, though I wouldn’t have wanted it to be publicized because I always like people not having an inkling of who I am, especially of my weaknesses, I already am insecure enough without everyone knowing about them, now it would be even harder to put on a mask of bravery.

I know you have the best of intentions when you post your entry for me, and WOW, it’s a whole post dedicated only for me, so thanks and I know you always say that your glad I’m putting up with all your crap but hey it’s a two way thing right?! You’re doing the same thing to the boring ol’ me. Now I get to see the hidden side of my Johari Window.

And thanks for declaring to the World Wide Web your love for me despite my imperfections. That’s really sweet!

Edward Cullen is all yours Bella!

A beautiful mess…

November 25th, 2008 by gangwarily

A Beautiful Mess

by Jason Mraz

You’ve got the best of both worlds
You’re the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you’re needy,
Humble but you’re greedy
And based on your body language,
And shouted cursive I’ve been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It’s like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don’t mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
‘Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they’re quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There’s no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I’m paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging

And what a beautiful mess this is
It’s like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I’ve heard
But it’s nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are
Here we are [x7]
We’re still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It’s like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We’ll fly like birds, out of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that’s no concern when we’re wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it’s nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.

3rd day at school!

November 12th, 2008 by gangwarily

‘Belated Happy Birthday Kapatid! (Sarah)’

It’s the 3^rd day of school…I’m really happy! After my long (beri beri long bakasyon…) I’m back. I’m so happy to see my old friends and seeing everyone’s welcoming me well…I miss you guys! *really touched*

I wanted to say a lot of things, but I am quite busy (Dvd from Nini and Saebi gave me loads of new cd’s to watch and read…Thanks!) and as usual I’m back with my old sickness I can’t seem to articulate my thoughts…gaaah it’s such a bummer…but now I hope I can stop being a slacker…I need to put my brain to work and I wish it didn’t became as rusty as I am scared of facing…output of my insane world…and I gotta stop, really I do need to stop saving those pictures,(I’m becoming quite a stalker…IZ, this is becoming an addiction, how did you quit?!) so now I’m back to school, back to being busy and I finally have the reason to stop…

Martina, love the new ‘do!, ahahahaha…Andrei sayo din! Cool hair! Di naman BLONDE e. Si Sam pumayat, vegetarian na daw siya and he’s proud, good for you dodong! Kat thank you sa SUPER hug! (my cape and all pa yun!)

So I can only see my batch in one subject, I’m deeply disappointed, I so not belong where I am, or at least that’s how I feel now, I hope the lower batch are not as scary as it seem, I feel old…haha…yung mga freshies ina-Ate ako, waaaah I know now how other upperclassmates felt when they were in my position.

I wanted to take pictures but I always forgot when I’m at school because I’m excited and happy to just chat away the in-between free time.

I need to go I hope my entry made sense.

It seems like forever today!

June 14th, 2008 by gangwarily

Few days ago Alycies (Shanna’s Dog) gave birth to two very healthy and cute puppies, I was oblivious from the whole thing, I was asleep as usual, they tried to wake me up but I am too tired or too lazy to get up. (I also had the same attitude when our other dogs gave birth to their puppies…I was throwing my attitude saying why do they have to give birth in the middle of the night?!)

(As if my own dog Ramsie read my thoughts she waited for me to be awake today before she gave birth to her baby.) In my tantrums mood: mommy, I think there is something wrong with ramsie, she’s supposed to give birth to her puppies last night right?! Before my mom could finish her answer from my question ramsey gave birth to her baby in front of me and I was jumping up and down and shouting, “Ayan na nanganak na!,” they all run to her, to assist her while I am shocked from what I’ve witness had been paralyzed to my position, I can only shout… it’s crazy seeing how the puppy looks after it comes out of it’s mother…it’s so fragile I can’t bring myself to touch it. After that I was assigned to look after the baby and ramsie…the baby to make sure ramsie”s taking care of it well and ramsie to shout again if she gave birth to more babies…which happened after a long hours of wait…Princess the first baby (my mom suddenly called her that, so it was her name now… My Mom: Princess…drink your milk now… I looked at her and she was shocked but then we decided to call her that.) was born today at 9:50 am but the second baby was born on 7:17pm and the other 3 followed…because of this, more traumatizing event also happened (at least for me) the second and 4^th puppies both die, and it really broke my heart, I was only able to rejoice for the lives of the other three, after few more hours that I was helping them 3 to feed on their mother’s milk.. Seeing the process, taking of what seems a plastic covering from those puppies, cutting the umbilical cord, it scares me to dead, I have to hold my breath every time ramsie give birth to her babies…I love all of them now, even though we have to sell them because we cannot afford to keep them, no space at home, we already have 9dogs now. I can only hope for a good and lovinghome for them. I want to personally bury the two dogs, it’s sad that they dies, but the second baby is closer to my heart because he was fighting for his life, trying hard to survive but it’s just too late when we got the plastic covering
from him.

Pagkatapos ng matagal na pananahimik…

March 24th, 2008 by gangwarily

Ano nga ba ito? Antagal ko ng walang entry sa blog, walang
maikwentong may sense, oo mahirap kase ang walang ginagawa sa bahay bukod sa matulog, kumain at maghugas ng plato…tapos kakain nanaman kaya maghuhugas nanaman ako ng plato…ayun…nababaliw nako sa kakapanood ng XMAN sa youtube at nang kung anu anu pang variety show ng ating kapitbahay na bansa…(gusto ko sanang ilagay ang karatig na bansa kayalang di ako sigurado kong tamang word iyon…)kakainis nagiging rusty na ang English at Filipino ko kaya ayan, taglish nanaman…at saang bahagi ba ng internet
ko mahahanap ang shops para sa crocheting materials dito sa pilipinas…isa pa
gusto ko naring lumipat ng blog pero saan naman? Hayyy…ang paglipat ng blog
parang paglilipat rin ng bahay, kailangan isipin ang maraming bagay…at dahil sa umpisa nanaman, marami ang dapat iupload na pictures kung saan ang
pinakamalaking problema ay nakasalalay ang hirap kase sa blog na ito, kapag
sisilipin ang mga litrato ayun, nakakainis sa tagal at bagal kaya hindi na
lamang titingnan sabay rito ang pagkainis na ayaw niyang bumukas…hayyy…tama na nga ang mga rantings na ito…Mahal kong Isabel Happy Birthday nalang sayo!