When Reality Sinks In

With all the misfortunes that has befallen our society, I found myself contemplating of my own mortality for the very first time. I have thought of death before, but never this earnest, and it never bothered me. To be perfectly honest I’ve always seen my life as a synonym to endless tiring routines leading nowhere, no purpose but the day to day survival. I always admired from afar the quote from down to a soundless sea novel, which goes, “Crazy is the only way to live and it’s the only sensible way to die.” I was told not to do anything crazy growing up, because its un-lady like. My timidity has been a part of who I am, and I have been trying to break through that bondage for a while now. I want to be courageous enough to live life to the fullest and not care despite the danger of the world perceiving me as disturbed within reason without violating my other paradigm; living as a human being without doing as much damage to others, myself and the environment.
I’ve always been indifferent to death, others say, its due to my age, as I am considered too young still, but I always believe that I never knew life could be worth fighting for…not until now. I’m always scared and paranoid to venture far from my comfort zone. Worrying of other’s opinion has been an inborn disease of mine. But recently I am slowly stepping out of my shell, anxiously enjoying life, learning to slowly let go of my paramount guard while reflecting the advise, a friend once told me; starting to trust life and see the beauty that was always there. But today I got shook from the very core of my being knowing that I could end up dead anytime just like the victims of the bus bombing a couple of days ago, innocent passengers who are not much older than I am. Just like them I am not ready to die just yet, with my diploma few months away from my hands, I still yet to experience the real world. So I concluded my thoughts with prayers for those who had died that day and for their families, and for all of us, who are still living, to continue living as if life is ours for the taking, share the love as we cannot do it without life. And I also prayed that we can get pass this with the ability of still seeing the bright side and won’t be paralyzed by fear.
In life we experience different situations that were given to us to test our abilities, and life would always move on for the better or for worst but I hope for myself and everyone else that this is one of those rare times that life has humbled us and made us understand life better and appreciate it. And one day when we are faced with the Almighty, we can humbly say our gratitude for the life that we are able to live fully.

Jan. 28 2011

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Was it all just...

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